Back to writing after long... Very upset today... Drinking.. to sleep or in better words, just to forget everything and sleep... Sometimes, why is it so hard to explain simple things? I struggle a lot with this.. I don't know if anyone else also faces this like me.. This marriage thing is getting to me.. I am getting married to the most wonderful human being.. the one and the only one.. to whom i have dedicated all my blogs to. But, i am still not happy ! I am trying to figure out why is that?
Marriage in India is so complicated these days.. You have to put up an extravagant show and stand like puppets on stage. I hate unnecessary expenditure on things which have no ROI, eg- Marriage.
People will come, look at you, eat and go back home and what will you do?? Just figure out how to earn back the hard earned money you spent on pleasing all the assholes. And in this case, I feel like i am literally buying him from his parents. They have asked us to divide the reception expenditure which is like in tens of lacs. And that proposition makes no sense to me. But, i cannot raise my opinion because i don't make the rules here.. Parents do!! I am unhappy because all my hard earned money will get wasted in his parents selfish need of putting up a show and I will be broke after this marriage.
Practically, we will start a new life.. A new life with 0 bank balance.. What kind of happily ever after life is that? Does everyone have to go through that or is it only me? On the top of that, my mother is no less. Because its a love marriage, she is adamant on pointing out flaws in his parents attitude or his nature. Sometimes, i feel she doesnt want this marriage to happen. Maybe, because he belongs to a different religion. She keeps on ranting the same thing over and over..If i would have married a guy of the same religion, we wouldnt be broke and that we would have done my marriage very nicely.
Now, we have no money after my marriage and we will have to listen to people's gibberish about inter-religion marriage and that people will mock at us for being a hypocrite.
Where am i at fault here? For choosing a person of a different religion whom i love and who loves me back? For her sake, i talked to around 100 guys over almost 3 years and met with around 10 of them. I couldn't like them or say, wasn't fully convinced.

Anyway, I should feel elated.. I am getting married and here i am, sulking about everything...about my weight, my paranoid mother, my caring fiance and my status & society conscious in-laws!