Euphoria or Paranoia?

I am back.. writing about him again.. Its surprising that everytime i sit to write about something.. I end up writing about him...Sometimes, people don't
realise how much impact they create and leave on our minds, on our hearts.. I am sure neither will he ever have the time to read whatever i wrote nor will he understand..
I love him so much that it consumes me.. He consumes me.. and i like to be devoured by him.. He is my dark prince, My Christian Grey..(from 50 shades of grey).
I am addicted to the thought of him...of being with him.. of his bodily perfume... of his hands..his hands on me... his touch.. his puppy eyes...
And they say sometimes, you get addicted to a certain kind of sadness too.. and sometimes even that sadness brings out the best in you.. Only a few months have
passed by after what i wrote last.. and what forced me to write again is none other than him... Yes! Its him again!
  Sometimes, you never know what made you feel about that one person that way.. maybe its better that way.. Not knowing why you love someone so deeply..
Because knowing it might defeat the whole purpose of love... And surprisingly, he asks me everytime... what did you see in me? Why is it you who could
see what a mess i am and were able to love me..ignoring my imperfections.. Frankly, I don't know the answer..I don't even know what will i do if i get him..
That thought drives me nuts... What do you do when you are just a few steps away from getting that one thing or a person?
           YOU GET EXTREMELY PARANOID !!! YES!! YOU START GETTING STUPID DREAMS !! ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS FANTASIZING ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME !!

That's what is happening to me... That euphoria is slowing turning into paranoia... 

Sometimes i just feel i should stop praying and believing in God...because he always favors the undeserving ones...
Loved, longed, Left, Loathed, Lost, Loved, Left, Longed, Loved, Left, Longing....
Bole to L lage pade hain

Is it only me or someone else also has gone through this?
A person keeps coming in and going out of your life.. and you inspite of pretending to be too strong, allow him to... And that person conveniently keeps on judging you and you just can't help yourself from wanting them... Sometimes you donot even know why you want someone so much.. even if they are harmful for your good.. May be this is what we call as 'love'... But why is it that the person fails to understand what you feel for them... How can someone be so insenstive, incognitive and selfish?

Everytime i break ties, coincidentally or intentionally the person comes back.. I mean i can give a fantastic story to Bollywood... How is this practically possible that the other person doesn't know or fails to understand what have you felt for them for all these years.. and they keep judging you for something which you did when they were not there in your life...

When will this person Permanently go from my life??? Or when will he understand that no one in this world can love him more than me? I can give this statement on a stamp paper.. Yes, I can !!! But of no use...
The other person keeps on judging you and keeps on ranting how much i have fought with him... without even acknowledging the fact that how much i have loved and longed him...

I have never longed for someone in my life except for this person.. and i am damn sure that i won't long or love someone else the same way i loved him...

Sometimes i feel so miserable that i waited for years for somebody so unworthy...

"duniya choona chaahe mujhe yuu.. jaise unki saari ki saari main...
Duniya chaahe roop mera, koi na jaane bechaari main...
haaye tooti saari ki saari main, tere ishq mein hui awaari main...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S1IhJ_DHjw

Aao...

Mere mann mein kuch sawaal hain..

Jawaab dene ke liye aao...

Kuch baatein jo adhoori reh gayi hain..

Sun ne Sunaane ke liye aao...

Kuch zakhm jo tumne diye they..

Unpe malham lagaane ke liye aao..

Kuch kasme vaade jo tumne kiye they..

Hisaab chukaane ke liye aao..

chand lamhe apne keemti waqt se..

Mere saath bitaane ke liye aao..

Tum mujhe bhula nahi sakte aise..

Mujhe yeh sach bataane ke liye aao..

Kuch jazbaat jo tumhare dil mein hain..

Mujhse unhe kehne ke liye aao..

Kuch armaan jo dil mein dabe pade hain..

Unhe poora karne ke liye aao..

Aao.. ke ab jyaada waqt nahi hai mere paas..

Bikhare hue kuch sapne hain..Sulagti hui ek pyaas..

Aao.. ke kuch naghmein likhe hain maine..

Yaado ki dharohar ko sanjoya hai maine..

Aao, Waqt ka yakeen nahi hai mujhe,iski neeyat hai be-i'tibaar..

Kal kahi main na rahu aur tum mujhe dhoondhte firo sar-e-bazaar..

Taareekh.. (meaning Date)

Kuch hi saal pehle jo raqeeb hua karte they..
Khuda se bhi jyaada kareeb hua karte they..
Dekhte hi dekhte vo haath ki adhoori lakeer ho gaye hain..
Taqkdeer hua karte they aaj ek bhooli taareekh ho gaye hain....

Jinhe milne ko hum khwaabo mein bhi tartiib kiya karte they..
Jinhe  dekh kadam khud-be-khud unhi ki jaanib utha karte they...
Dekhte hi dekhte vo kisi aur shehar ke raahgeer ho gaye hain...
Taqkdeer hua karte they aaj ek bhooli taareekh ho gaye hain....

Seher....

Aaj barso baad seher dekhi hai...
Tere rang mein rangi dopehr dekhi hai...

Ek vo bhi din tha aur ek aaj ka din hai...
Tujh tak le jaane wali har rehguzar dekhi hai...

Ek muddat se khul ke mile nahi humse hum...
Tujhse milne ki dil mein uthi lehar dekhi hai...

Ek afsaana kahein ya nazm kahein ise...
Yuun lagta hai ikk umr tere bagairr dekhi hai....

Aaj barso baad seher dekhi hai...
Tere rang mein rangi dopehr dekhi hai.....

humuss...

har shaks pareshaan sa maaloom hota hai, har shaks mein humuss hai..
humuss....  haan vahi to hai, andar bhi aur bahar bhi....

har dil ka ek kona  gayab sa lagta hai, har dil mein humuss hai.
humuss.... haan vahi to hai, andar bhi aur bahar bhi....

Har nazar mein dilbar ka chehra sa lagta hai, har nazar mein humuss hai...
humuss..  haan vahi to hai, andar bhi aur bahar bhi....

Har rishta baarish sa maaloom hota hai, baarish aati to saundhi khushboo ke saath hai...
laut jaaye to badle mein tamaam umr ke liye humuss de jaati hai...
humuss...  haan vahi to hai, andar bhi aur bahar bhi....